“I have so many words to speak,
All aimed at the phantom of the future,
Formed on the hopes of the past.
While my streams of consciousness,
Running daily, voice impassioned thoughts,
All aimed at that currently deaf phantom.
They wash away the words of yesterday,
And each day I cling to the very few,
Select few phrases which escape,
Daily, it seems, the current,
And have woven themselves into the undertow.
It stings to lose so many words,
That I wish would not fall on deaf ears,
But I hope at least one day,
That this undertow will be heard;
A small, but lingering testament,
To all the streams of passion that,
Long before they could reach an end,
Were lost to be forgotten,
Joining the hopes of the past,
To push toward the phantom of the future,
So they may one day, God-willing,
Hear the undertow of things I yearn to speak.”
The above was just a bit of an outpouring of some thoughts that have been plaguing my mind lately. As you can possibly tell by the writing, it touches on my frustration at having 0 idea who I’ll end up with. Sometimes, when mulling over what I hope they’ll be like and how I hope to be what they’re looking for, I find myself thinking up so many things I’d love to remember to one day say to them. Yet, each day, most of those things are lost to my day-to-day stream of consciousness – working, studying, hobbies, interacting with family and friends, etc. The typical thoughts take over. It’s frustrating to realize there are probably so many things I’ve thought “I should remember to say this when I eventually find the right person” or something along those lines, yet it’s become rather futile to try and cling to them. There are, of course, a few strong points that remain with me, but most are forgotten soon-after being realized. So, some day, I hope I’ll find the right person – that phantom of my future – and be able to at least speak all the things that I do maintain, in order to hopefully suggest that those that I could not recall were not entirely for naught. Yet, as nothing is promised, more words are lost in life’s current, and I merely hope that the undertow pushing it all along eventually leads to that phantom so that those thoughts will eventually be heard.